Iceland/Ed's Easy Diner Selection

I've been a bit of a fan of Ed's Easy Diner since a friend dragged me into one some years ago. I'd seen them around - frequently wandering past a London branch while on the way somewhere - but, having eaten in a few diners of that style while on holiday in the States, I had been understandably reluctant to sample a British attempt at replicating the classic American Diner experience. Seemingly Ed's Easy Diner has had some financial difficulties in recent years, and it appears all the London branches have now closed... So perhaps it's fortuitous that Iceland have partnered up with them to create a line of microwaveable foodstuffs from their diner menu.

I picked up an initial selection of these almost two weeks ago, and had planned to write about each one individually, but ended up losing momentum and deciding to make a single, collective post instead. Unfortunately, in the meantime, popular YouTuber and microwave gourmet, Stuart Ashen has already covered some of them.

Still, this is snacks & the single man, so I'm pretty much obliged to mention them, if only to break the excessively long hiatus I've had from this blog.

'Breakfast' Options

3 Pancakes with Bacon & Maple Syrup
I'd always been a bit dubious about the sweet-savoury combination that is pancakes with bacon topped with maple syrup but when I tried it for the first time while while on holiday, as a hotel breakfast, I loved it. Pancakes, bacon and maple syrup shouldn't work, but it does... and the same - more or less - can be said about this frozen option. It works as pretty much a simple 2-stage process in terms of 'cooking' (technically reheating), with the pancakes going in separately, side-by-side, then the bacon going on the side with the pancakes stacked. Once everything's cooked, the bacon gets put on top and the maple syrup poured over the top.

I don't think I've ever had microwaved pancakes before (then again, I wouldn't necessarily know, in some diners) but these were surprisingly good, if perhaps a touch soggy due to condensate. The bacon is a little undercooked by my standards, and not especially flavourful, but I wouldn't tend to expect much from microwaved bacon. The maple syrup is actually genuine maple syrup rather than maple syrup-flavoured goo, and a decent amount is provided. Perhaps not enough for everyone, but certainly sufficient for me. I think my only real complaint would be that there's really not enough bacon... but, as a snack breakfast/brunch/lunch option plucked from the freezer and prepared in so short a time in the microwave, it's better than I'd expected.

A pretty good start to my experience of this new selection, overall, though my second experience of this was somewhat less positive due to the very much not-crispy bacon being, in fact, rather rubbery.

Breakfast Muffin with Hash Brown & Sausage Pattie

This was in my second sampling of the Ed's Easy Diner range, and I had my suspicions that it ran the risk of being pretty plain even as I picked it out of the freezer cabinet. It's literally just a single hash brown, a sausagemeat pattie and a muffin. Frankly, I was surprised that no sauce of any kind was included and somewhat concerned by the absence of any form of egg. Hell, even Iceland's own brand had a mini-omelette. A hash brown is nice, but it ain't a proper breakfast muffin without some egg. Cooking is another multi-stage affair, with each part getting some time in the microwave prior to final assembly.

The end result doesn't taste bad - the sausagemeat pattie is a touch plain, and the hash brown lacks any seasoning, but both came out moist after being blasted in the microwave. Even the muffin survived quite well, without becoming overly soggy at the bottom. However, the absence of any condiment, some egg, or even a slice of burger cheese, renders this a very dull snack. Pretty sure that, if this is on the menu at Ed's Easy Diners, there'd be a bit more to it than this. 

Burgers & Hot Dogs

Mac'n'Cheese Burger With Bacon

Here's where the selection started to go a little downhill, for several reasons. I have to admit that I wasn't sold on the idea of a burger with added bacon and mac'n'cheese that had to be prepared in a microwave, but this thing let me down before I even started cooking it. It's supplied with the bun frozen together, the tiny portion of bacon frozen to the underside of the bun, the burger stuck to the bacon and the most miserly portion of mac'n'cheese you'll ever see, taking up less than half the capacity of the plastic bag it's supplied in.

Trying to separate the bun led to the top half breaking. Microwaving led the bun to become dry and crumbly. The mac'n'cheese just gets dumped in a bowl of hot water to thaw, then heated briefly in the microwave, while the burger and the bacon worked about as well as could be expected in a microwave. Assembling the finished burger probably would have been easier if the bun hadn't broken.

However, since the burger is part beef, part chicken, it looks anaemic and has very little flavour - some additional seasoning may have worked wonders, but an increased beef content would have been preferable. The mac'n'cheese isn't so vile an addition to a burger as I'd expected, but it's both unseasoned and not particularly cheesy. The main disappointment was that there was barely enough bacon to add any flavour to the finished burger.

There are instructions included for part-cooking this (basically just the bun) with a toaster rather than the microwave but, personally, I'd say the better option would be to set the bun aside ahead of time to thaw on its own. Toasting it at that point might prove more effective, but use of a microwave is absolutely not recommended for the bun.

Chilli Dog

This is another one I didn't have high hopes for, not least because my relationship with hot dogs generally hasn't been great. I like the idea of hot dogs - particularly the smokiness of a really good one - but some of the ones I've had, even in bricks-and-mortar diners, let alone from supermarkets, have been pretty awful. Add to that, my experience of any chilli other than freshly-made has been diabolical, and so-called 'nacho cheese sauce' is frequently vile.

So imagine my surprise when this turned out to be pretty delicious... Although, thinking back, I can't say that any individual component was outstanding. The sauce is fairly inoffensive, pretty bland, even. The chilli is a little thin, but the flavour is OK and, coupled with a halfway decent hot dog, it works quite well. The main downside - and this is kind of a running theme with the line - is that the bun doesn't do well in the microwave. The outside becomes dry and flaky, and the cut for adding the hot dog isn't really deep enough so I ended up cutting it a little deeper before loading it up.

This one had also cooled down quite a bit before I took my first bite - I wasn't very organised, and didn't bring a camera into the kitchen until after I'd assembled the hot dog. These kinds of things really have to be eaten piping hot, lest the unnatural textures and weak flavour become too apparent.

Classic Hot Dog

My subjectively positive experience with the Chilli Dog encouraged me to give this version a whirl, since it's a more traditional, simple hot dog. Coming just with a sachet each of mustard and ketchup and a sachet of crispy onion pieces, its preparation is far simpler - thaw the sauces, irradiate the bun, then the hot dog, put the two together, add the sauces, and then sprinkle over the onion...

...Unfortunately - and surprisingly, given that the hot dog itself is surely identical to that included in the Chilli Dog box - this one really didn't work for me. The bun dried out so much that it just broke in half when I tried to put the hot dog into it, the sauces were beyond bland, the onion was virtually flavourless and not remotely crispy, while the hot dog had the consistency (and something approaching the flavour) of rubber. I was able to finish it, but it's left me less enthusiastic about picking up the Chilli Dog again, in case I just got lucky with the first.

Pizza

Pepperoni Stonebaked Pizza

While I'm a conscientious objector when it comes to microwaving pizza (with the exception of leftovers from the night before - they're fair game), I'm quite a fan of frozen pizza generally, even though the excessive oiliness of some - Iceland's own brand in particular - can sometimes upset my stomach. My first impression of this, just going by the box, was that it was small to the point of being wholly inadequate as anything other than a snack, or as just one part of a larger meal. Opening up the box revealed - to no-one's surprise - that the pizza itself is appreciably smaller than the box, not least in terms of height when laying flat... You could probably fit three of them in the box, two at least.

Nevertheless, after a brief burst of microwave radiation, I'd have the describe the pizza as reasonably competent. Naturally, it's more base than topping, and there's a paltry fraction of the cheese depicted in the product shot on the box. Naturally, the act of microwaving it leaves the underside a little sweaty, but the same can be said of any and all microwave pizzas.

Taste-wise, it's certainly not bad, though I found the pepperoni a little anaemic, lacking the punch even of some of Iceland's own brand products, and certainly not as good as the Chicago Town 2-pack mini-pizzas or pizza subs which, I would say, are one of this product's closest analogues. As expected, though, I was still rather hungry after polishing this off.

Desserts

2 Waffles with Chocolate Sauce

I had a great sense of foreboding about this since, when microwaving things from frozen, there's a certain inevitability of one of two outcomes: it'll be too dry (like the burger and hot dog buns above) or it'll be desperately soggy... and neither is conducive to the enjoyment of waffles.

Granted, as with the burger buns - and even the pancakes - there's the option to heat them in the toaster and, upon reflection, that would seem to be the better - perhaps only - method for this dessert. Because, following the microwave instructions to the letter here, the end result was droopy, soggy waffles. Sure, they tasted OK, but part of the waffle experience is the delightful, subtle crunch surrounding the still-moist innards, and the way they soften as the sauce or ice cream start to soak in. There's something truly sad about a waffle that sags, since their lattice structure is intended to keep them rigid while minimising the amount of mixture needed to make them.

The only other let-down was the chocolate sauce, which was very, very sweet and not particularly chocolaty. This is fairly common with things called 'chocolate sauce', which can sometimes be so sugary they burn the back of my throat. This was was just a bit gunky, so I'll probably give the version with salted caramel sauce a go at some point... Making sure I cook the waffles in the toaster.

The Ed's Easy Diner range presents very much a hit-and-miss selection, not just in its individual products, but in repeat experiences of those products. Having now had a second set of the pancakes'n'bacon, I've been put off trying them again because the fat on the bacon was like chewing gum. I wouldn't touch most pre-packaged burgers with a bargepole simply because my experiences of supermarket meat-based burgers have been largely regrettable. I may try the Chilli Dog again but, having disliked the 'Classic' version so thoroughly, I'm not convinced it would be worth the risk, even at the typically low Iceland price.

The bottom line, I guess, is that none of these would be especially difficult or time-consuming to make from scratch, seasoning to taste, and adding such condiments as are desired. Hell, I've already done it myself. The Breakfast Muffin was particularly dull and, given that sauces were included in pretty much every other product, it's baffling that there wasn't even a sachet of ketchup included.

Your mileage may vary. Your experience and expectations of burgers, sausagemeat patties and hot dogs may be very different from mine. However, I can be reasonably certain that either thawing the buns naturally, rather than relying on a microwave, or using the toaster where possible, would yield better results.

Christmas Dinner... Burger-style!

I have to confess that, despite largely eschewing this blog this year, in favour of quick-and-easy, hashtag-enhanced Instagram posts, I'd thought my Christmas Dinner pizza was a more recent event than it actually was... Perhaps my recollection had become 'slightly' skewed by the emergence this year of Pizza Hut's take on my idea (which is heartily recommended, BTW - the Red Wine Gravy base alone is delicious, though the use of rotisserie chicken rather than turkey makes it a little less authetic), but it was way back in 2014... and I didn't even get round to writing up my 2016 magnum opus, the salmon en croûte with cream cheese, cranberry sauce and orange zest that Courtney and I made for my parents as Christmas Dinner that year.

Nevertheless, it had occurred to me a month or so back that it'd be nice to follow that up with another form of junk-food-ised Christmas Dinner, and the most obvious option seemed to be burgers... While Courtney and I have eaten fewer burgers at home this year than previously, I did end up visiting the McDonald's round the corner from my last Temping placement, in Islington, a little too frequently while I was there.

She was very much on board with the suggestion, so I went ahead and started looking into how best to make turkey burgers from scratch. In the end, largely through lack of care and attention, I made the most basic option in the world - just turkey mince (500g of 2% fat turkey mince from Tesco), seasoned only with salt and pepper, and formed into two patties. These were pan-fried, one at a time, in a little vegetable oil, with the use of a meat thermometer to ensure they were properly cooked all the way through, since I couldn't easily eyeball it.

Turkey is only part of a good Christmas Dinner, though. I also wanted to add a patty of stuffing and a Christmassy hash brown at the very least, while thoughts of cranberry sauce and lightly toasted slices of Brussels sprouts seemed to round off the concept nicely. Courtney mixed up a red cabbage coleslaw, because we had some red cabbage, and it went well with her planned vegetarian option.

For the stuffing patties, I had the option of going for something simple, like sage and onion, but ended up choosing a pork, chestnut and onion stuffing from the Tesco Finest range - a 400g pack divided up into four patties. The hash browns were home made, using a mixture of parsnips, rainbow carrots, onion and potato with egg and potato flour added to aid binding. These were pan-fried and still didn't hold together especially well, but the rainbow carrots added some seasonal colour to what could otherwise have been quite anaemic hash browns (hash beiges?). The sprout slices were simply chucked in the oven, unadorned, alongside my stuffing patties and Courtney's vegetarian sundries, while the hash browns and burgers were being cooked on the hob.

Of course, it wouldn't be Christmas without pigs in blankets and, rather than buy them oven-ready, I decided to piece together my own using a combination of Pork and Caramelised Onion cocktail sausages and Chestnut Smoked Streaky Bacon, both from the Tesco Finest range. Weirdly, the packs were of different sizes - 18 cocktail sausages versus 16 slices of bacon - so I ended up with a couple of unwrapped sausages. However, about 30-35 minutes in the oven created a tray full of pigs in blankets, with enough leftovers to cover my lunches for the following couple of days.

Bun-wise, I'd originally ordered a pack of Warburtons' Brioche Burger Buns but, with the only delivery slot available to us being the 18th December, these would have been out of date and probably growing stale before Christmas Day, so we ended up using them for other things and buying a pack of standard sliced buns locally, a couple of days ahead of time.

The buns were assembled with a helping of Courtney's red cabbage 'slaw on the bottom, the stuffing patty, the turkey burger, some cranberry sauce, and the toasted sprout slices substituting for that old burger staple, the pickled gherkin slices. I only got one of the hash browns, because Courtney miscounted, and they hadn't held together very well anyway, so much of the mixture ended up in a pile on her plate. I served my pigs in blankets on the side, and nicked one of her Brie Bites (Tesco's own brand) for a bit of variety, since my plate was largely made up of meat.

The results were a little mixed... and, unfortunately, my hastily taken, blurry, poorly-lit photos don't help...

The pigs in blankets were excellent and, for once, I was able to taste the difference between fancily-smoked bacon and the normal kind, these rashers having a pleasantly sweet, spicy edge to them rather than just being super-salty.

The stuffing patties tasted great, but I misjudged their size before baking them: their circumference shrank, while their height increased - I'll know to take that into account if I try this again in future, and make them shallower and wider before putting them in the oven... though the chunks of chestnut might make that a bit tricky. Courtney's red cabbage 'slaw was nice on its own, but ended up becoming rather overwhelmed by the rest of the burger, including the bun itself. The hash browns turned out really well other than their tendency to fall apart - we'll really need to research how to make them stay together... Personally, I suspect a mold may be used for the shop-bought kind or, at least, some sort of press to compact them together rather more before they're cooked.

Less impressive were the turkey burgers, since they ended up very dense and very dry. I'd definitely like to try making them again, but actually following one of the myriad recipes out there, in the hope of a more succulent result. At the very least, there should have been some additional seasoning - I had been reluctant before starting, since the other contents of my burger were, theoretically, going to be seasoning of a sort. Some of the recipes available online also feature things like egg white and breadcrumb, and these may have helped considerably. Part of the problem, though, was that I split a 500g pack of minced turkey into two 250g patties, which ended up being far too large in and of themselves. Considering a Quarter Pounder burger would only be a little over 100g, I really overdid it. Another part of the problem is that minced beef - the main constituent of a normal burger - would tend to comprise more than 2% fat... and the leanness of this minced turkey contributed to the dryness of the end result. Topping the burgers with cranberry sauce added surprisingly little to the flavour but, again, a smaller burger may have made all the difference.

Possibly the most disappointing part was the toasted sprout, which ended up getting utterly lost in the burgers. In retrospect, I suspect they should have been seasoned and oiled... So I'll know better for next time.

We're already considering options for next year's non-traditional spin on the traditional Christmas Dinner, and a curry is the front runner. We just need to look into how things like nutmeg, cinnamon and ginger into a curry sauce that can accommodate both turkey and whatever vegetarian substitute Courtney ends up using...

Christmas Dinner... Pizza-style

In a recent post, I explored the possibility of turning the humble pizza - whose leftovers can so often form a 'breakfast of champions' the morning after - into an actual all-day breakfast, with surprisingly good results. Coincidentally I had a similar sort of thing on my recent trip to LA, eating a 'Sunny Side Up Bacon and Potato' pizza - a seasonally inspired special at California Pizza Kitchen. Pizza is, after all, one of the most universally adaptable forms of food.

So, when my girlfriend and I started discussing how we would deal with Christmas dinner - since one of us would certainly not be partaking of the traditional turkey - one of the earliest suggestions, directly inspired by the All Day Breakfast idea, was 'Christmas Dinner Pizza'.

The most obvious necessity for my pizza was Gilbert's Turkey Roll Pastrami (bought at Morrisons) which, with its black pepper-coating, has made for some rather tasty sandwiches for my lunches during the working week. After that, it was a case of determining what other Christmas Dinner staples should be included. Potato would have involved rather too much wastage, sprouts and most other veg were easy passes. What I really wanted to include, somehow, was stuffing and cranberry sauce. We'd picked up some dried cranberries for some cookies that we've baked to take over to my folks tomorrow, but just adding dried fruit to the pizza seemed weird. Thankfully, I noticed, nestled in our fridge, a pack of Yorkshire Wensleydale with cranberries (also from Morrisons), and so chopped off a few small pieces to scatter around.

I'm a huge fan of 'pigs in blankets' - small pork sausages wrapped in streaky bacon - which tend to be served as part of Christmas dinner at my folks', so I also bought a pack of them - eight were arranged on the pizza, the last two in the pack were left separate. Upon reflection, I think I probably should have picked up the 12-pack rather than the 10-pack, since that would have given me four overs, which could have been kept aside for our evening meal.

The final ingredient was an idea borrowed from my girlfriend - she'd added pickled red cabbage to her vegetarian version of a Christmas pizza (featuring pieces of a Quorn 'Turkey' Burger), which made it all nice and colourful, so I figured I'd add some to mine as well.

Before. Note that the pigs in blankets had already had about 10 minutes in
the oven prior to being added to the pizza for this shot. The stuffing had
been cooked separately, according to its own instructions

So, after about 10-12 minutes in my oven, the pigs in blankets were done to perfection, the Wensleydale and cranberry had melted into the mozzarella, the stuffing was nicely crisped, and the end result looked like this:

After... But before I scoffed it all down. Obviously.

I must confess to some surprise that this turned out as well as it did - particularly with the addition of the Wensleydale with cranberry (that, being such an unusual and late addition to the range of flavours, was the wild card, but the overall effect worked very well). I mean, OK, it's unlikely that I'd ever complain about something involving pigs in blankets, I already knew the turkey pastrami was nice (rather more moist than the average roast turkey!), and stuffing is little more than additional herbs... but there was plenty of room for it to be terrible simply because it's a bit of a jumble.

The only thing that did go slightly wrong was the pickled cabbage, which could have done with a bit more draining before it was chucked onto the pizza, as it ended up soaking right through and causing a damp patch in the middle of the base.

I had been a little concerned about the stuffing, as my girlfriend started preparing the whole packet, where I'd intended only to make a small amount, rolling into balls to distribute around the pizza. However, even once cooked in an oven-proof dish, the stuffing below the crisp surface remains moist and malleable, and easily stands up to further time in the oven. I ended up not shaping it as it was still rather hot when we started making the pizzas, but I think that just adds to the 'hand-made charm' of my pizza.

A decidedly tasty and tidy Christmas dinner, with very little washing up required afterward... and so another success for pizza as a method of preparation.

All-Day Breakfast Pizza

Yes, you read that right... All-Day Breakfast, but on a Pizza.

Oh, come on, it can't possibly be the most revolting pizza topping you've heard of unless you missed Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles the first time round, when they were cool (allegedly - I beg to differ), back in the 80s (or was it the 90s?). I'm pretty sure I remember one TMNT-branded pizza that involved ice cream, for crying out loud.

And surely I need not mention Iceland's doner kebab pizza?

So here's the thing: my girlfriend and I have been home-making pizzas once in a while - sometimes baking the bases (made from a Wright's flour mix or Supermarket equivalent, though we will eventually make our own from scratch), other times purchasing a ready-made base. Once the base is sorted, pizza is the easiest thing in the world to prepare: slather on the tomato purée, chuck on some cheese, apply toppings with impunity, bake for 10-15 minutes, then consume while still nice, hot and melty.

I hadn't originally planned to make an all-day breakfast pizza. Originally, I was just going to be topped with halves of the pork and bacon cocktail sausages I'd picked up in Morrisons... But when my girlfriend decided to experiment by cracking an egg over her artichoke, olive and goat's cheese pizza, the thought occurred to me that adding an egg to something that already contained tomato, sausage and bacon (of a sort) basically turned it into an all-day breakfast.

The egg element turned out to be rather more complicated than expected... but that's where being second in line for the oven came in handy. Typically, when making a pizza with a ready-baked base, one cooks the pizza just long enough to get the beginnings of browning on the cheese - generally about ten minutes. The egg, we thought, should only take about five additional minutes at pizza-baking temperatures, making a total cooking time of fifteen minutes.

Whether it was the combination of ingredients already on the pizza, or the fact that she checked its progress by opening the oven, the egg on my girlfriend's pizza needed an additional ten minutes... and even then, the white was still quite runny, while the yolk was effectively soft-boiled.

So, for mine, I cooked the basic tomato/cheese/sausage pizza for only five minutes, then cracked the egg into the centre and slapped it back in the oven for ten minutes. Still the same fifteen minute stay in the oven, but without interruption. The end result for me was a much firmer white, but pretty much the same 'soft-boiled' yolk. Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair:

It turned out pretty good... While I'm still rather dubious of the idea of egg on a pizza - and, frankly, the whole concept of an all-day breakfast pizza - I'm going to call this a success... While we normally stick to Mozzarella as our formaggio preferito, I had noticed bags of "Four Cheese Mix" on Morrisons' shelves - a melange of grated Mozzarella, Edam, mature cheddar and Monterey Jack cheeses which was just begging to be used as pizza topping. It melted nicely and evenly and had that little bit more bite, in and of itself, than Mozzarella on its own.

The flavour of both the sausages and the egg held up remarkably well against the tag-team of cheeses... the only caveat being that, in retrospect, it's rather an underachieving all-day breakfast. At the very least, it could have done with some seasoning - a little pepper, if nothing else.

The more I think about it, though, the more I wonder if it wouldn't have been better with plain pork cocktail sausages and separate bacon (strips or chunks)... maybe some mushrooms... chunks of potato... and possibly a base that's less tomato purée and more sliced tomato.

Though even I would probably have to draw the line before adding baked beans into the mix.

Vegetarian Toad in the Hole

No, strangely, this is not a ready-made dish... though, given the ingredients, it might as well be. It has been previously noted that I'm a bit of a fan of Toad in the Hole, but the Iceland variety is not something I can serve up as a quick evening meal when there's a vegetarian in the house. Except, these days, there are vegetarian sausages, such as those that were used in S&M Rodeo #11, meaning that if I get a hankering for Toad in the Hole, but need to make a dinner suitable for a non-carnivore, this is still a quick and satisfying option. Additionally, being a home-made dish, it can be made large enough for two and leave at least one portion for an even quicker snack lunch the following day.

Ingredients:

• 1 six-pack of Linda McCartney Vegetarian Sausages
• 1/2 sachet of Aunt Bessie's Homebake Yorkshire Pudding Mix
• Cooking Oil

Preparation Time: approximately 30-35 minutes

Tools Required:

• Small Mixing Bowl
• A Stirring Implement, such as a Whisk or Fork
• Large Baking Dish

The Process:
I'll start this off by mentioning the big mistake I made in preparing this first attempt at a proper, full-size home-made Toad in the Hole: The vegetarian sausages are in the freezer section of the supermarket, are stored in the freezer at home... and I put them into the batter pretty much straight from the freezer, as if I was grilling them normally. For future reference, it's probably best if you let them thaw in advance.

So, to begin, lightly oil the interior of your baking dish - just pour a little in, then spread it around using kitchen roll - then place it into the oven.

Preheat the oven and baking dish to 200C (220C if not fan-assisted), then empty half the sachet of Yorkshire Pudding mix into a small mixing bowl, and add about 125ml (something in the region of a quarter of a pint, half the amount used for a full sachet), stirring thoroughly. Once the oven and dish are up to temperature, take the dish out and pour in the batter. The base will begin to cook instantly - this is a good thing, as it means your toads will have a solid base to their hole. Or something.

Line up the sausages at regular-ish intervals within the dish, then just dump the dish back into the oven for about 25-30 minutes, checking regularly to avoid accidentally burning it. The batter will rise around the sausages and will be golden brown when ready, but it won't take long after that for it to start to burn.

The Results:
The reason I warn against using sausages fresh from the freezer cabinet is that, being rather cold, they interfere with the proper rising of the batter around them. From the photos below, it is possible to discern that the batter rose very well around the edges, but spectacularly failed between the sausages.

That said, it all ended up tasting pretty good, and I do have a thing for not-fully-cooked batter, so I had no complaints. The sausages are fairly well seasoned as standard, and taste excellent in this. For serving, this was cut into three - meaning two good-sized sausages each for my girlfriend and I, and one portion left over - but it could be equally well quartered if the accompaniment is substantial enough.

Served with a bit of veg, this made a pretty decent, quick evening meal and, considering it takes about the same time to prepare as the frozen, ready-made kind I often pick up from Iceland, I'm half tempted to make this my default method of making Toad in the Hole in future.

And, if I'm cooking for myself, I could even use meat-based sausages.

In the righthand picture, note the way the batter has risen and turned golden brown around the edges, but stayed quite anaemic - and really not cooked very well - in between the sausages.

S&M Rodeo #11: Linda McCartney Vegetarian Sausages

I can remember trying vegetarian sausages many years ago, during my 'vegetarian' phase, and not really liking them. There's something unique about the humble sausage which necessitates that they contain meat. It doesn't even have to be pork, just some form of meat. In many ways, it's the fat, not the meat, that makes the sausage... depending on recipe, and your mileage may vary ;)

Vegetarian sausages, back in those days, were made from a fairly dry and dense mycoprotein which was packaged as a substitute for anything from chicken to beef, with varying degrees of success. The early attempts at sausages looked, felt and tasted like something you might use to get a log fire started. I steered well clear of them after that.

Cut to earlier this year, out shopping with my girlfriend (who's vegetarian). She pointed out some meat-free Lincolnshire sausages, noting that they were "a bit dry". While I was nonetheless tempted to give them a try - not least because the vegetarian sausages I tried all those years ago weren't made with any particular recipe in mind, let alone the illustrious Lincolnshire recipe - they were not among the products in my basked at the checkout.

That must have stuck with me because, while doing one of my semi-regular spins around my local Iceland, I espied their (very slim) offerings from the Linda McCartney range of meat-free foods and, in particular, the sausages. In the photo, they look fantastic - succulent, well-browned... and tossed in with lots of onions.

And it was only a matter of time before S&M Rodeo tried batting for the other team, so to speak.

Like most Iceland products, these are to be cooked from frozen, yet still only require the same time and temperature as normal sausages, purchased fresh. Moreover, they can be grilled or baked, though baking somehow takes longer, and requires a higher temperature (which reminds me - why do baking instructions always specify a precise temperature, while grilling is either "low", "medium" or "high", when lots of conventional oven/grill combos use the same kind of temperature dial for both?), so I took the usual route of grilling my sausages.

Here's where it gets a bit weird, though. Normal sausages will tend to be packaged in sixes or eights... Linda McCartney sausages are boxed in fives. This is highly irregular, and causes a significant problem in creating the right portion size: Normally, I'd have either three or four sausages - half a pack - but that option wasn't open to me with a five-pack. The package even defines a portion as 2 sausages, but that's the sort of portion my niece gets. No matter how many times I crunched the numbers, no matter which complex formulae I chose, I still came up short...

...So I cooked all five.

What I noticed during the grilling was that these sausages, like their meat-filled cousins, were giving off fat and, yes, the ingredients list vegetable oil. This suggested to me that the dryness issue had been solved, though these sausages are wheat protein-based, rather than mycoprotein, so there's likely a difference anyway.

After about 15 minutes, I served up my five meat-free sausages with a nice portion of mash and, just in case, a small serving of gravy. As it turned out, the gravy wasn't necessary but, as with plain sausages, it was a source of more flavour as opposed to the source of all flavour.

The texture of these things isn't quite what one would expect from a sausage - it kind of reminded me of spring rolls in that, when dipped into the gravy, bits of not-sausagemeat dropped out, needing to be mopped up later. They cut very well, however, and are without the tough, occasionally rubbery skin that can often ruin an otherwise excellent sausage. The flavour isn't particularly sausage-like either or, at least, I couldn't pin down a particular variety they tasted like. As far as the ingredients go, flavourings are listed as containing dextrose (AKA sugar), salt, onion, yeast extract and, just for fun, iron oxide (AKA rust) as the colouring. These sausages also contain what's called 'rusk', which is used as a cheap filler in all kinds of sausages... So... Fairly authentic, even if they don't really taste that much like a proper sausage.

I must admit that I really enjoyed these and, for £1 a box, it's nice to be free from any concerns about meat quality while eating a plateful of sausages. Quantity is certainly a issue, as I'd basically have to buy two boxes to ensure a proper portion each time but, then, at only £1 a box, that's hardly going to be a problem.

STOP PRESS: a brief perusal of the shelves at my local Tesco revealed that, weirdly, 5-packs are an Iceland exclusive. The more widely available 6-packs are vastly more expensive, however. £2.25 at Tesco, £1.89 at Sainsbury's, £1.75 at Waitrose (who, strangely, have an alternate entry on their website, listing as £1.99). This means that's it's more economical to buy two of Iceland's 5-packs than it is to buy from any of the 'big three' alternatives and while Asda are, at this moment (29/1/13), offering 2 for £3, it's still more economical to buy from Iceland, as your £3 there will obtain 15 sausages, versus 12 at Asda... and that's a whole extra portion!)

S&M Rodeo #10: Iceland Chip Shop Style Battered Sausages

It's a well-known fact that, once in a while, I like my food dirty.

No, not unhygienic, just unhealthy. Actually, long-time readers of this blog might get the impression it's not so much 'once in a while' as it is 'more often than not'. Ahem. Time for an anecdote!

Some years ago, I worked in Kensington. The office complex had an on-site bar/restaurant which was OK, but nothing special and, outside the complex, we weren't exactly spoilt for choice in eateries. There was a good Indian buffet in one direction, as well as a decent greasy spoon, a good Chinese and a nice Greek place in another direction. Slightly further afield, there was a decent Thai place, but that sometimes chose not to open. Even further away along that same road was a small fish and chip shop which seemed to do mainly takeaway business, though it had a poky little seating area up some stairs in the back.

Now, being from the suburbs of London, fish and chips is pretty much a staple food for me, so I'm always up for investigating a new chippie... and this one was one of those places that battered more than just fish. In particular, it battered sausages.

What could be more perfect, right?

The used the usual greasy spoon, all-day-breakfast kind of sausage, only slightly larger and glided with a fairly unremarkable batter, but the sum of the parts proved to be remarkably addictive, and I ended up defaulting to that if I couldn't decide on a (new) fish to order.

Now, one of the significant downsides to where I live is that there isn't a local chippie anywhere nearby. Certainly there's at least one within walking distance, but the one I know is takeaway only and, if judging 'walking distance' as 'close enough that the food is still hot/warm by the time I get home', it's actually not within walking distance. Plus, even if it was, since it's connected to a proper fishmonger, it seems unlikely (though not impossible) that they would do battered sausages, so I've been hankering after them for a good two years now.

But, lo, my local Iceland recently (it would seem) added frozen battered sausages to their list of chilled meat products and, suffering from withdrawal as I am, I picked up a bag to give them a try. Naturally, since these are sausages covered in batter, I can't exactly serve them up with mashed potato (well, I could, but it wouldn't be right), so this is only loosely part of the S&M Rodeo series.

The first thing to point out is that these sausages are comparatively small. They're fairly fat, but not very long... maybe a little more than 3/4 the length of the Waitrose gourmet sausages I pick up once in a while. This isn't ideal, obviously, and for £1.50 for a bag of eight, they're not such great value when compared to Iceland's other sausages, which are £1 for ten (pork, pork & beef, etc), or for twenty of their 'Thin Sausages'. Still, if you're after cheap and cheerful, these certainly still fit the bill.

As with any frozen battered food, the obvious drawback is that, since the oil needed to 'fry' them is contained within the frozen, partially-cooked batter, what you end up with is never going to be as crisp as the freshly fried version would be, nor does the batter cook as evenly. Couple this with the fact that there's a fair bit of fat within the sausages and the end result, whether baked or grilled, tends to be soft, bordering on soggy. In fact, when cutting through these sausages, one can pretty much guarantee that the batter will simply fall off.

Nevertheless, the combination of batter and very basic sausage remains pleasant and, while it's some way off the authentic chip shop experience, it has satisfied my cravings for the time being. I can see myself keeping a stock of these for those moments when I need some serious comfort food.

Awwww, yeah... all it needed was a generous dollop of brown sauce, and it was good to go...

Mini Toad in the Hole

Considering how regularly I pig out on Iceland's £1 wonder, their 'Meal for One' Toad in the Hole, it's quite amazing that I've never tried to make it myself.

Let's face it, you just take a bunch of sausages, mix up some flour, egg and milk, then chuck it all together in a deep baking tray for about 25 minutes, and you're all set for a satisfying evening meal. The Iceland version - sausages frozen in batter in a foil tray, that literally just needs to be chucked into the oven - is my go-to product for something quick and filling after a hard day, when I can't be bothered to do anything requiring effort. I have noticed, however, that their sausages became substantially smaller some months ago. That's generally the point at which I'll start thinking "time to make my own!"

And it is ridiculously easy, according to any of the recipes you might find online. The batter is essentially the same as you'd use for Yorkshire Puddings and, believe it or not, pancakes. Proportions of ingredients may vary, but the principle is the same. Of course, being me, I wasn't about to put my toads in the plain and basic hole, so I chucked in some parsley and chopped onion - because both happened to be lying around - and then, for fun, wrapped some of my sausages in bacon.

You are aware, are you not, that it's been scientifically proven that bacon makes everything better?

And then, rather than make one large thing, I decided to make more use of my new muffin tray and make six small toads in holes.

So, here's how it goes:

Ingredients:

• 100g Plain Flour
• 1 Egg
• Approx 200-300ml Milk (depending how thick you want your batter, and how many/much you're intending to make)
• Chopped Parsley (I used Waitrose Cooks' Ingredients 'Organic A Generous Pinch of Flat Leaf Parsley')
• Salt & Pepper to taste
• Half a Small Onion, chopped
• Bacon of Choice (I used Waitrose Unsmoked Wiltshire Cure Back Bacon)
• Sausages of Choice (I used Richmond Skinless)
• Cooking Oil
• Dijon Mustard

Preparation Time: About 40 minutes total

Tools Required:

• Small Mixing Bowl
• Whisk
• Small, Sharp Kitchen Knife
• Muffin Tray

The Process:
While I said this was ridiculously easy - and it really is - the instructions I found online were rather deceptive... or just plain wrong. Or maybe my technique was wrong. Whatever it was, my first attempt at the batter was hopeless. The method is generally given as sifting the flour into a bowl, making a well in the middle, cracking an egg into the well, then beating it together and gradually adding the milk (occasionally a milk/water mixture).

The first time I followed these instructions, the end result was a lump of flour-encrusted egg which stuck to the whisk and didn't want to become part of the batter. While the remainder of the flour mixed in to the milk quite nicely, it left me with a very thin not-quite-batter with large clumps of useless gunk swimming around.

After a brief consultation with my mother on the subject of batter (in which I learned of the amazing multi-purpose nature of this batter, as mentioned above) I tried it again, this time whisking the egg a little before pouring it into the flour, and adding some milk before starting the beat it all together.

Another interesting point that came out in that conversation was about standing the batter. Some recipes recommend letting it stand, others say refrigerate, still others say there's absolutely no advantage to letting it stand... but here's the thing: for Yorkshire Puddings (and Toad in the Hole), you want the mixture to be fluffy and full of air, because that's how you get the right texture once it's cooked. For pancakes, however, bubbles in the mixture will make for holes in the pancakes, and standing will allow most of the air to escape. So now you know.

But anyway...

Once the batter was ready, I sprinkled in some of the parsley and ground in some pepper. Salt can be added as well, but I tend not to bother. The other embellishment I added was some chopped onion. I have a whole bunch of small onions stuck in my fridge, and am basically just trying not to waste them, so I'll stick them in almost anything I can think of. This recipe didn't have room for a whole onion, though, so half of a small one did end up going to waste.

Preheating the oven to 200C, I made a start on my sausages. Since I planned to make small, muffin-sized Toads in the Holes, my full-size sausages had to be cut in half. The bacon was likewise cut, so it could be easily wrapped around the sausages without too much excess but, just to keep it all together, a dab of Dijon mustard was applied to the sausage and the end of the bacon, acting as a sort of glue.

Being lazy, I ended up only doing two sausages this way. Since I only had four sausages anyway, I was going to be left with two Yorkshire Puds without any sausage, so I convinced myself there was a logical reason for this: 2 wrapped sausages, 2 plain and 2 holes without toads.

A small amount of cooking oil was poured into the bottom of each pit in the muffin tray, and the sausages placed within. They were cooked for about ten minutes before the batter was added in, then they were stuck back into the oven for another 25 minutes to cook thoroughly.

See? Easy.

Results:
Well, if there's one thing I know about Yorkshire Puddings and most Toad in the Hole, it's that they're made largely of empty space - they puff up with a small number of large bubbles, rather than fluffing up like a cake or a loaf of bread. These were no different. From the outside, they looked brilliant - though I may try a lower temperature next time. At first glance, I was honestly very pleasantly surprised.

Something else I know about Toad in the Hole is that the sausages actively interfere with the batter's ability to fluff up at all - frequently it peels away from the sausages entirely. That didn't happen as much as I was expecting with the plain sausages, but with the bacon-wrapped sausages, the batter barely rose. Not entirely sure of the mechanics of this, but I suspect either the fat or the salt (or both) were the cause of the problem, because the two onion-y Yorkshire Puds looked great.

Of course, the proof of even a Yorkshire Pudding is in the eating...

All three kinds were as full of air as I'd expect, but the plain sausage ones turned out the best over all - golden brown and reasonably fluffy. The two Yorkshire Puds, while similarly golden brown, seemed extremely undercooked on the insides, and yet were basically giant bubbles. The two with the bacon-wrapped sausages looked like a complete disaster, however. The batter had almost entirely retreated from the meat, and they weren't so much golden brown as slightly burnt.

The bacon cooked very well, but the sausages in both types didn't fare quite so well - they were fully cooked, just not to the degree that I'd normally do them and obviously not as burnt on the outsides.

Gotta say, though, all of 'em tasted great.

Mmmmm... Nom nom nom...

S&M Rodeo #9: Waitrose Succulent and Meaty British Beef Sausages with Dijon Mustard Mash

I've tried plenty of Waitrose's premium sausages for this ongoing S&M Rodeo of mine, but all of them so far have been comprised largely of some kind of pork.

Not so, this time. The moment I set eyes upon a pack of eight beef sausages, I knew they were something I'd have to try, not least to further my experimentation with beef.

To accompany this sausage, I decided to do my usual thing of playing about with instant mash, but had trouble deciding how to embellish it this time round. My first thought was to mix in some grated cheese and make a proper cheesy mash, but I'm not a massive cheese fan, and wasn't sure what I had in my fridge that would suit. The second idea was to make use of some of the large tub of crème fraîche I recently picked up for another purpose... But then, creamy mash is still just mash, so I still needed to pick something to add a bit of kick to it.

Rightly or wrongly, I chose the latter option and added two tablespoons of crème fraîche followed by one teaspoon of Dijon mustard.

In retrospect, I think maybe a wholegrain mustard would have been a better fit, but Dijon worked well enough... and, thinking about it, even getting grated cheese to melt in with instant mash could have been a bit of a stretch, so it was certainly the easier and surer option.

The sausages come packaged in some kind of faux waxed paper, as you might expect with Choicest Cuts of Beef from a butcher. Also just like choice cuts of beef from a butcher, it has that authentic gory seepage of a good steak. Undeterred by this, I planned to use my usual sausage-cooking method - grill at about 180C for a total of 24 minutes, rotating every 6 minutes (half turn, quarter turn, half turn), but completely failed because I forgot to start the timer after the first turn.

And then got distracted.

Because, y'know, if I'm cooking on a timer, I can happily get on and do other stuff until the alarm goes off.

Assuming the alarm goes off.

Thankfully, 6 minutes on one side, followed by who knows how long on the other, followed by another couple of minutes back on the first side seemed to do the job fairly well. The skin wasn't quite so evenly browned and crisped, but the sausages were thoroughly cooked.

What they weren't was particularly tasty. Succulent, yes. Meaty, certainly... but minced beef in sausage form seemed to have about as much flavour of its own as the average junk food burger. Granted, most of their flavour tends to come from the salt rather than the meat, but that just makes it all the more perplexing that beef sausages, particularly from Waitrose, should taste like generic dark meat of uncertain origin.

Perhaps it's one of those situations where some kind of herb addition to the meat would bring out the flavour better, but I was certainly glad that I hadn't decided to keep the mash plain and simple on this occasion. I may take the remaining sausages and fashion burgers out of them... Then, at least, I could add a slice of cheese (processed, natch), or some kind of pickle and slap the result in a bun.

S&M Rodeo #8: Wall's Microwave Sausages with Iceland Cheesy Mash

Well, if you thought Sausage & Mash couldn't get any easier, think again.

Quite some time ago, my mother introduced me to Wall's Microwave Sausages. It sounds like a terrible idea - everyone knows that microwaves are quick, but don't really cook anything in the traditional sense, none of the pleasant browning or crisping - but the good news is that Wall's have sensibly pre-cooked these freezable sausages, so it's really just a case of reheating them. Microwaves are ideally suited to that task, so the only concerns are whether or not it can sufficiently reheat sausages from frozen, and whether or not it can do so without drying out the sausages.

Same with the mash, really... It comes in a plastic sachet not unlike Uncle Ben's microwave rice but, very much unlike the rice, you're required to decant the contents into a microwave-safe bowl, which is then to be covered over with cling-film. Strangely, the film - which is there to trap as much moisture as possible to prevent the mash drying out - must be pierced so, naturally, what starts as fork-prick holes inevitably widen into gaping tears. I did wonder if it could be made to work by opening the sachet by about the same amount as an Uncle Ben's rice (2cm), but the instructions suggest stirring the mash halfway through, which would make leaving it in the sachet rather impractical.

Still, I hadn't actually read that part of the instructions, and so blasted my mash for the full 5-ish minutes in one hit.

The end result of all this fiesta of irradiation?

Well, my experience of the microwave sausages has always been good... I mean, they're Wall's, and they're good, simple pork sausages of the sort you'll have in your local greasy spoon's All-Day Breakfast. They are succulent, with a skin that's tough enough to hold together, without being overly chewy and rubbery. Also, the advantage to microwaving is that you don't have to time it all perfectly to get them cooked without burning the skin. They're exactly the kind of sausage I really like, and yet have a really hard time finding. My mother initially found them in her local Iceland, and tried to keep a good stock in her freezer. Some time ago, they suddenly disappeared from the shelves and, as far as I know, that local branch has never had them since. They've appeared elsewhere, so she's been able to get more once in a while, but it was only this last week that I found Wall's Microwave Sausages in my local Iceland, when they'd never been there before... it's almost as if Iceland is trialling them by rolling them out in different territories for a few months at a time.

The mash was a bit of a let-down. The quantity is good - probably enough for two, but I quite like lots of mash with my sausages, so I did use the whole lot in one go - but, for something described as 'Cheesy Mash', it really isn't very cheesy. I detected a subtly Cheddar-y note, but it's more 'creamy and smooth' than properly cheesy.

I'm no stranger to the concept of microwave mash - my mother regularly uses one that's frozen in little discs that you just load into a bowl and blast for a few minutes - and it's certainly far easier (not to mention less wasteful) than making it from scratch, though possibly not as good as mixing up some instant mash to one's own preferred consistency (and adding butter, milk, cream, etc. as required).

And considering my usual S&M Rodeo would have a sausage with added herbs, spices, veg or even other kinds of meat, the whole idea of this was to have completely plain sausages with a mash that was interesting and yet easy to prepare...

Still, for a quick S&M fix (we're talking under five minutes for four sausages, without any turning or fussing of any kind), this is probably ideal if you have easy access to a microwave, but no kettle and/or no inclination to go to the 'effort' of making up some instant mash, even though that might actually be quicker.

Is it just food... or is it a work of art? You decide...

S&M Rodeo #7: Waitrose Succulent and Tasty Pork Sausages with Fresh Leeks & Chives

One thing I've been doing almost invariably in my exploration of S&M is adding some herbs to the mash. Generally just a little Basil, or whatever else is close at hand. Partly, this has been because I've been using cheap-and-cheerful (or not-so-cheerful) instant mash rather than mashing fresh potatoes. Another part of it is that many of the sausages - embellished as they may be with their interesting herb/fruit/veg additives - are still predominantly pork and, as such, end up on the bland side unless you're really, really into the taste of pork.

Furthermore, when presented with sausages which contain added leeks and chives, I was expecting something quite boring.

And, considering some of the other Waitrose sausage 6-pack have been, while not disappointing, rather lighter on flavour than I might have expected, one could easily be forgiven for predicting much the same from these.

However, I'm pleased (and surprised) to report that the additional flavour of the leeks - if not the chives, which I'm not sure I'd recognise anyway - is quite a powerful note in these bangers. Rather than being a slight hint of leek in each mouthful of sausage, it's almost as if it's a helping of sausage and a helping of leek... just without the crunchiness of the latter. Considering the ingredients list the leek content at a mere 10%, that's quite an achievement. Even some of the most heavily seasoned sausages I've tried recently pale beside the well-balanced meaty/leeky flavour of these, so my personal recommendation would be to serve them with plain, buttery mash and, if gravy is a requirement in your own S&M journey, make it as light as possible.

As an aside, I'm also continuing to improve my sausage-grilling technique/timing, so I can almost always get a nice, crisp, browned skin (that hasn't split) while leaving the innards as succulent and juicy as the name of this particular product suggests it should be.

S&M Rodeo #6: Waitrose Fruity and Warming Pork Sausages with Apricot, Ginger and Thyme

Using a different kind of instant mash this time - that old family favourite, Smash. I can remember the ads that ran for Smash in my distant youth... or, more accurately, I can remember the saucer-headed robots that featured in those ads. I also remember that they eventually turned those robots into toys, and I believe I had one... or my sister did... or maybe we had one each. They were wind-up toys that would dash forward, mouths opening and closing all the while.

They have nothing to do with this write-up, though.

It's worth mentioning that, while eating anything - whether it's something I've had before or not - I have a nasty habit of stalling if I find something in my mouth of an unexpected texture. Frequently, with sausages, that would just be an extra-tough or extra-rubbery skin on the sausages, that proves impossible to adequately chew, and so forms a nasty mass that I end up spitting out. With other things, it can be lumps of bone or gristle.

And yet, even though I was expecting apricot in these sausages, I was surprised to find it appearing as fairly large lumps within each mouthful. My first instinct, upon detecting these strange, rather tough lumps, was that I'd managed to pick up a duff pack, and that there were lumps of something nasty in my sausages... but no. While Waitrose Tolouse sausages and Tesco's Pork & Caramelised Red Onion sausages contained very thoroughly mangled pieces of not-sausage, blended in with the meat, the pieces of (dried) apricot in these are very substantial, and rather crunchy, despite a fair amount of time under the grill.

I'm not certain they add a great deal to the flavour of the sausages and I certainly didn't detect even a hint of ginger, but then this could be one of those times when the mashed potato dulled the flavour. Taken on its own, a chunk of apricot had the sort of flavour I'd expect from a chunk of dried apricot that had been cooked alongside large amounts of pork, but it's never going to be the strongest of flavours in that situation. However, the pork is good quality stuff, and the sausages are very tasty. The overall effect is not necessarily 'warming', but these will certainly be added to my list of Waitrose sausages to buy again.

(Pre-Packaged) S&M Rodeo #5: Classic Bangers & Mash by Sainsbury's

Hey, come on - if it's available, I have to try it, right? Anyway, I was in the mood for another S&M Rodeo, but didn't fancy doing it from scratch (not that I've ever done the mash from scratch so far!), so this seemed like a good compromise.

The packaging bills it simply as "2 British pork sausages with onion gravy and mashed potato" - a nice, clear and unpretentious description. Cooking is a very simple process of just plonking it into the oven for 25 minutes (40 minutes from frozen), and then dumping it out onto a plate. While I'd prefer to be making stuff and trying new recipes, you just can't argue with this kind of simplicity.

While the description is quite meagre, the list of ingredients for the onion gravy alone makes very interesting reading (you can hear those cogs in my brain a-whirring already, can't you?) - onion, chicken and beef stocks, 'red onion chutney' (What? They used a ready-made chutney? I don't know if that's cheeky or inspired!), red wine and red wine vinegar, and of course cornflour, the one ingredient I forgot all about when I made an onion gravy from scratch. Curses!

Naturally, I'm going to compare it to my Sparky Onion Gravy, because I was quite proud of my own concoction, despite its flaws. In terms of flavour, this Sainsbury's Classic is much more strongly onion - quite a surprise, considering the melange of different stocks and the red wine, but I guess the use of a red onion chutney as a major component would have been a great help. Perhaps for my next attempt, I'll make a chutney, then incorporate it into a gravy...

But I digress...

I'm not trying to suggest that the gravy just tasted like onion - far from it. It's a rich, warm flavour that hints at a heavier, more extensive seasoning than the ingredients would suggest. Just the plain gravy would be nice enough, but the chopped onion adds to the texture, and the whole is very tasty complement for sausages which would otherwise be rather unremarkable (despite featuring their own seasoning - salt, white pepper, mace, ginger, nutmeg, parsley and sage), while the mash is a nice, smooth portion of creamy stodge to bind it all together.

As far as the portion size goes, I'm in two minds. At first glance, it appeared to have quite a miserly portion of mash, but it does go a long way. The sausages are nice and fat but, when I make my own sausages and mash, I'll cook at least three sausages, occasionally four if I'm really hungry. Corpulent though they are, the mere two supplied in this package just weren't enough, and the amount of gravy supplied could easily accommodate a third sausage.

Then again, I picked this up as part of an "Any 3 for £5" deal at my local Sainsbury's, and that's an excellent deal however you look at it.

S&M Rodeo #4: Waitrose Richly Flavoured Toulouse Sausages with Smoked Bacon, Red Wine and Garlic

I suspect that, every so often, my S&M Rodeo subheading will introduce me to a new sausage experience that is both unexpected and instantly enjoyable.

And that's always going to sound like a massive double entendre, so let's just run with it.

This entry from Waitrose is just one such experience. I've never before tried Toulouse sausages and - just for a change - Waitrose seems to have nailed the recipe, and kept to the simple origins - little has been added beyond that which is listed in the name, and most of that is the now-ubiquitous preservatives and antioxidants.

Straight from the pack, the smell is quite distinctive - the pork content is immediately obvious, but so is the bacon and the garlic. Cooking provides an interesting contrast, because the predominant flavours - other than the pork - are the bacon and the red wine. This was quite a pleasant surprise, as I had feared that the bacon would play second fiddle to the pork but, despite a much lower proportional content (11%, compared to 77% pork!) the rich, smokey flavour of the bacon holds its own. The strength of the wine flavour is rather surprising considering it seems to be without any additional flavouring or flavour enhancers. It's subtle, but it's definitely there - a distinct, warm, musty red wine undertone - which struck me particularly because I can't drink red wine without developing a migraine, so it's nice to know that it's safe enough as a food additive.

These proved slightly trickier to grill successfully - my usual timings had to be extended quite a bit - and I ended up playing it safe to avoid the possibility of burning them. Then, when I first cut into the sausage, I was initially shocked to see so much pink in the middle. It took me a few moments to realise that they were not, in fact, undercooked, I was looking at fairly large chunks of bacon which, coincidentally, appeared roughly central in that particular cross-section of sausage.

One point confuses me: the packaging claims at one point that these sausages are "made with 86% pork from prime cuts", while the ingredients - as previously mentioned - give a pork content of 77%. I can only guess that 86% of that 77% pork is 'from prime cuts' and the remaining 14% is not 'from prime cuts'. Seems like a strange way of detailing it, but what do I know? I just eat the things...

I'm also more than a little nonplussed by the pack's assertion that the pork used is "Prime British pork from pigs born outdoors and reared in airy, straw-bedded barns". I mean, I know folks these days like their 'ethical farming practices', and are keen to ensure that animal have comfortable, 'happy' lives before they are slaughtered for our consumption but, really, what's next? Biographies?

"Percy was born on a lovely, sunny July day with a fresh, sou'wester bringing the scents of daisies, heather and wild strawberries over the farm. He loved to run and frolic in his pen, muddying himself up and generally behaving like a porky rascal. Farmer Bloggs had to work extra hard to scrub the mud and swill from Percy's plump body before he was led away, killed with a bolt to the brain, and then carved up with care and precision."

See? It just doesn't work, does it?

S&M Rodeo #3: Tesco Finest British Pork & Caramelised Red Onion Sausages

I must confess that it's taken me not quite this long to figure out how best to cook most sausages under my grill. Packaging tends to suggest that mythical 'medium grill heat', and anywhere between 12 and 20 minutes cooking time. The only constant, which should come as no surprise, is that one should "turn occasionally".

For my purposes, the grill is set to somewhere in the region of 175-180C, and I turn every five minutes (1/2 turn, 1/4 turn, 1/2 turn) for a total of 20 minutes cooking. Depending on the sausage, this can result in a dinner that is either cooked to perfection, or burnt to a crisp on the outside, but still succulent within. Particularly if I don't start my 5-minute countdown, then go off and do something for a while before realising I haven't heard the alarm yet.

And so it came to pass that, on this night, I decided to cook myself three of these interesting-sounding Tesco Finest sausages. As a general rule, I find plain sausages quite bland, and some of the embellished recipes can be little better... or outright vile. What could I expect from a simple pork and red onion sausage?

Well, the first sign that I was on to a winner was the scent of the raw sausages when I first opened the packet. That red onion aroma was very strong and sweet - far more so than I would have expected from a meat-and-onion mixture contained within what the packaging describes as "natural pork casings". If a sausage smells that good raw, chances are it'll taste amazing...

...And, dear reader, amazing it most certainly was.

To accompany these sausages, I mixed up some rather bland instant mash (Mr. Mash, supposedly "99% real potato", but I'd guess that the missing 1% is flavour - certainly not an instant mash that I can recommend!) livened up by a dash of basil, and served with some frozen mixed veg (as always, blasted in the microwave). This system has served me well in the past, and I'd say that the blandness of the mash was easily countered by the flavour bursting from the sausages. If these sausages are anything to go by, caramelised red onion must be one of the best accompaniments to pork, its sweetness counterpointing the savoury pork in every bite.

The ingredients list for the caramelised onion lists sugar, cider vinegar, cinnamon and clove alongside the onion, suggesting that it begins its life as something akin to a red onion jam, and is mixed in with the minced pork. Looking at a cross-section of a sausage doesn't bear this out, however, so I guess the onions are fried in a kind of sweet marinade.

The sausages do also contain other seasoning - sea salt, white pepper, marjoram, nutmeg and parsley - but it's the red onion that takes centre stage, in what is surely going to become one of my favourite sausages for a quick S&M fix.

Iceland Ultimate Snacks Sausage & Egg Muffin

OK, I keep having to remind myself that this blog is not going to be about microwave foods but, when I saw this, I kid you not, I did a double-take, and wondered - out loud - "Iceland, are you reading my blog?"

Yes, Iceland have taken it upon themselves not only to create a microwave snack line of their very own, but to recreate the wonder of the snackMuffin in their own, prepackaged style, under this new banner. It's quite a clever little package, with the sausage and egg muffin, frozen, in a little plastic bag. Cooking is a two-stage process, where you lay out the muffin's contents on a plate and blast them in the microwave for a couple of minutes, then put the muffin back together for a further minute or so of irradiation.

It's a strange process, to be sure, and rather undermines the neatness of the product. Then again, the moisture released just by microwaving the muffin leaves the base rather soggy, which undermines the product as a whole.

On the plus side, what this product significantly lacks is the excessive, seeping greasiness of the McDonalds original or, I'm forced to admit, my own home-made alternative. The sausagemeat patty certainly tastes like that which you would find in a McMuffin, though the exterior ends up slightly dry, if not leathery. The egg component is effectively a small omelette, rather than the poached (or is it fried?), unblended egg of the original or my version, but the flavour is there, despite its frozen ready-meal origins.

I feel most vindicated in my efforts, seeing a product like this on the shelves (or chiller cabinets). If you're too lazy to make one yourself, and don't fancy drowning in dripping, oozing fat, the Iceland option is certainly worth picking up... if only for a laugh.

S&M Rodeo #2: Wasabi Mash

I should say to begin this posting that I've not actually tried this... yet. Having woken up this morning feeling nauseous, I've barely eaten all day, but this idea had occurred to me a while back as another variation on the Sausage and Mash theme.

The drawback to this suggestion is that it would be far more difficult to achieve with freshly made mash because, with instant, you're basically mixing two powders, then adding hot water or milk. Working with real potatoes, you'd have to get the mash ready before you even add the wasabi, which would just increase preparation time and lead to the mash being cooler or overcooked, and so possibly not quite so appetising when it's served.

So. In theory, then...

Ingredients:

• Instant Mash of choice (I'll be using Sainsbury's, as before)
• Clearspring wasabi powder (1 heaped teaspoon should be plenty!)

Preparation Time: Mere moments!

Tools Required:

• Bowl
• Stirring implement

Process:
Mix up one serving/sachet/whatever of the instant mash, and the teaspoon of wasabi powder in a bowl, then add water or milk as directed in the instructions. Stir till you have the required texture of mash.

That's really it.

Now, I obviously can't do the traditional 'The Results:' bit because I haven't tried it... but I will make a couple of recommendations in lieu:

1. Use plain pork sausages, as per S&M Rodeo #1
2. Use a plain vegetable stock gravy

The reason for this is that any kind of seasoning in either the sausages or the gravy would play havoc with the flavour - not to mention the kick - of the wasabi mash. The mixture of potato and Japanese horseradish alone will season up you pork sausages quite nicely, I'd imagine... With any luck, if my stomach has cleared up tomorrow, I might risk giving it a try...