Sausage & Egg snackMuffin

There is something incomparably dirty, yet singularly satisfying about the Sausage and Egg McMuffin as a breakfast or brunch. The processed cheese that has but a passing acquaintance with Dairy produce, the grease-seeping sausage patty of undefined meat-like substances, and the egg... which is, thankfully, unmistakeably egg. Pressed together within a good, thick muffin, they create the kind of taste sensation that the old "It's like a party on my tongue..." jokes were made for.

But if it just ain't Breakfast Time at McDonalds anymore, what's a guy to do but...

Come on, you're reading snacks & the single man, a blog in which I prepare myriad and sometimes bizarre foodstuffs in my very own kitchen (when I'm not being lazy and cooking something prepackaged), surely you can guess..?

...That's right: Make His Own.

Those of a fragile disposition, or who dislike even the concept of Home-Made McDonalds should leave while still in possession of their faculties. What are you doing here anyway? It's not all cookies and brownies.

Ingredients:

• Muffins
• Pork Sausages (2 per snackMuffin)
• Eggs (medium will do)
• Processed Cheese Slices (Dairylea again, on this occasion)
• Butter
• Cooking Oil (just a dash, to prevent the butter from caramelising)

Preparation Time: about 10-15 minutes

Tools Required:

• Frying Pan
• Toaster
• Knife (to cut Muffins and Sausages)
• Spatula
• Egg Rings (optional

Process:
Start by slicing open the muffins, then cut the sausages lengthways, opening them out but taking care not to split them entirely. It's helpful, but not imperative, that the sausages are of approximately the same size as the muffins.

Melt the butter in the frying pan and add the oil. Once it's all good and medium-hot, add the sausages, as they'll take the longest to cook. Turn them occasionally so they're cooked evenly on both sides. As they begin to go grey and show signs that they're nearing completion, lower the heat, crack open the egg and dump it into the pan, using an egg ring if your obsessive compulsion requires a perfectly even, circular egg. Mine does not. I arranged the sausages to act as barriers to the egg, so it came out nearly shaped like a quarter circle... but I'm just awesome that way. I flip my omelettes, remember.

As the egg cooks, pop the muffin halves into the toaster on a relatively low setting - muffins tend to be thicker and more moist than yer average slice of bread, so adjust accordingly. You're aiming for a light toasting, rather than '3 seconds from charcoal'.

Keep turning the sausages in the last couple of minutes. When the muffin pops back out of the toaster, lay the processed cheese slice on one half, then transfer the two sausages on top (draining if necessary), then the egg. Finally push the other half of the muffin down on top and consume while still nice and warm.

The Results:
Bizarrely, McDonalds so-called 'sausagemeat' patties actually have more flavour (or, perhaps, more salt) than the sausages I picked up (Waitrose Premium Pork), and their processed cheese must contain some form of fireproofing, because this didn't actually taste as good (or should that be as dirty?) or stay as solid as the genuine article. Nevertheless, it was a most satisfactory snack.

It requires rather more time and effort than the Filet O'Fish Fingers, but it's effort worth making and time well spent. The contents ooze out in an enticing manner, made all the more precarious by the fact that there are two split-open-and-flattened sausages in there, rather than one sausagemeat patty. Either one could slip out at any time... perhaps even both. That could get messy.

Again, those with food-related OCD issues may want to take the sausagemeat out of its skin and fashion their own patties to go in the pan along with their nice, tidy egg rings. My wonderfully assymmetrical snackMuffin was just right.